Archive for the ‘WIN’ Category

All work and no play …

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I woke yesterday with intentions of giving this house a fucking wash.  With all the travels recently and having to work late more days than not, including weekends, I have been neglecting my good wifely duties and this joint needs a’scrubbin’.

I actually like to clean.  I don’t think when I’m cleaning.  My mind completely blanks out except for the next splatter spot, next hair ball, next dust bunny.  I can’t focus on work problems or home problems or family and friend problems.  Nothing.

So anyway I’m scrubbing the kitchen, moving at tornado speeds, ammonia and bleach filling the air, and Michael goes, “You know what might be more fun than cleaning the kitchen?  You wanna take a ride to get lunch?”

“HELLZ YEH!”

We gear up, we take off towards downtown, Michael giving me a good run weaving and flying through traffic.  The sun was brutal and of course halfway there is when I remember sunscreen.

Our destination was Pizzorali’s.  It was cozy, had a young hipster playing guitar and cast the feel of old mobsters.  I loved it even before our food arrived.  When it did, sweet baby jesus, it was incredible!  The owner came to talk with us, total mobster but sweet, and brought us “dessert” of ribs to try.

NEXT TIME WE GET RIBS!

After the ride back to the house, we were both whooped.  So we took a nap that wasn’t pleasant.  You know those naps where you have to force yourself to sleep and then do nothing but sweat through nightmares, waking with a pounding headache?

A nap’s a nap however so you take what you can get.

After a long, hot bath [have you seen my tub, size of Ohio and luxurious like a motherfucker] we go looking for a bar with a pool table, the game on HD and food.  I know, I know, a lot to ask but after a bit of driving in circles and listening to GPS that don’t know shit, we found it.

BLT for me, big ass burger for Michael, crown and diet cocktails, watching the Saints rip the Texans a new one and a few marathon games of pool.

All in all, not a bad Saturday.

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Love of one’s own good perverted to a desire to deprive other men of theirs.*

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I envy talents.

I look at Michael and his numbers thing and I WANT THAT.  When we first started this journey I would try to do math and, lemme tell you right now kids, me and numbers are sworn enemies.

If I’m tipping at a restaurant, you either getting a 7% or 34% tip.

Michael?  He does math fast.  Quick.  You give that bastard ten line, four column multiplication and his eyes glaze over, he looks into … somewhere … I can’t explain it … and BAM, there ya go.

He told me one time, “I just see it.”

I WANT THAT!

While we’re talking about Michael, the mother fucker aint right.

Did you know that if he holds a compass it stops?  It just freezes and won’t move.  Give me the compass?  Works fine.  Michael?  Nothing.

I WANT THAT!

Did you know that if Michael gets furiously angry his computer will blue screen?  Brand new, out the box, perfect in every way PC becomes worthless if he’s angry.  You can actually feel it in the room.  It’s like a pulse, a low vibration.

I WANT THAT!

Did you know that children love Michael?  Not just he’s good with kids, but more like babies reach for him when we go to stores like Wal-Mart/Target/Every.Damned.Where.  They literally reach for him, arms extended, twisting until they can no longer see him around the isle.

I DON’T WANT THAT!!!!

Not sure where I’m going with all this, I just wish I had some talent, some defining thing, I want sonsabitches to feel my vibrations in the room or control electromagnetic stuff and junk.

All except for the latter.  Don’t need no kid attention thank you kindly.

I envy.

*Dante

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The rippin’ and the tearin’

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Would the real Hannah please stand up.

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I haven’t even finished pissing and complaining about my dark side of the moon.  My downside.  My comedown.

I should be scheduling more sleep, weekly massage sessions, long books and even longer cocktails.  [hehe]

But what am I doing?  Planning another fucking trip.

What have I become?  Who am I?  Three vacations in one year?  Really?  Seriously?

Know what else?  I went shopping.  For pretty clothes and matching shoes.  I went actual clothes shopping.

The worst?  The ultimate?  The absolute OVER THE TOP?

I got open-toed shoes.  I did.  Michael flipped right out.  ”Honey, you gonna be okay with that?”  When I responded that it would be kewl beans he gave me a look ou’da side of his gaze that said he knew it wudn’t gonna be cool but fuck it, if you want the shoes, get ‘em, we’ll throw them out by the house and you can cry.

Speaking of different ways of handling things … yes, that is what we were talking about.

Michael just handles things different.

A friend of mine is newly married, in those early dish-tossing years, and wanted some girl power.  So we go have some cocktails last week.

As is true form, I told her things she wanted to hear and some things she didn’t but hey, don’t give me the pout puffed lip, you know what it’s about.

Anyway …

I get home and Michael starts to tell me this story.  I’m kinda half listening, half just got home from work please piss off when I start to realize that he is telling me about how he got into a fender bender accident.

WHAT?!?!?!  You get in a car accident AT NOON and wait 10 hours to tell me???

“Well, I didn’t want you worried about me on your night out.  I knew you’d be stressed and cut it short.”

See, if it were me (and most other women), it’d be a whole different situation.  I would have called immediately and told him what happened, twice, where I was when it happened, what he was wearing, what I was wearing, what the look on his face said, etc., etc., etc.

Michael – eh, it’s just easy breezy.

Is nice to be married to a man.  Not some person with a penis.  A man.

I told him, please baby please, let me pay someone to cut down the rest of the trees.  Please.

That went over like a brick through a window.

Gotta do that shit himself.

Before:


Good Lawd have mercy.  It was 110 degrees outside!!

After:

I thought my man was gonna need medical attention.

Anyway, back to my cute ass shoes and awesome matching outfits.  That’s what we were REALLY talking about.  Never mind, I told you I purchased open-toed shoes, it’ll be awhile ‘fore you recover from that one, I’ll be kind and let it go.

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If you don’t have anything nice to say, say it LOUD.

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The weekend was glorious.  M/D Herrick and the nieces came to visit and although it was the LOUDEST weekend of my life, when everyone retreated back to New Orleans, the house was almost too quiet.

Heck, they hadn’t even turned off our street Monday and Michael and I were climbing back into bed.  Just exhausted.  I don’t see how parents do it.

How are you suppossed to fit in drinking, smoking, partying and the like when there are children who need to be fed and entertained and fed and bathed and fed and on-n-on-n-on?

Some of the cutest thing were overheard and I will now share a small portion with you.

Molly and I were walking ’round-n-’round Spring Creek BBQ (‘coz that’s what little kids like to do after dinner, lap the restaurant and run in front of cars) and she says to me:

“My mommy yell at me.”

“Oh really.”

“Yeh, she beat me.”

“Did you have it coming?”

*head all low*  “Yeh, I wasn’t being have.”

****

BB is watching TV and out of nowhere asks what Satan’s Mistress means.  PawPaw tells her that is Satan’s bride, wife, whatever.

“Well, you can’t be Satan’s Mistress Aunt Hannah ‘coz you are Satan.  Does that mean Uncle Michael is Satan’s Mistress?”

Yes my dear, it does.  I am Satan and he be my bitch.  Now, from anyone else on the planet being called Satan would be an insult.  From BB however it is the highest form of compliment.

****

Molly had a horrid nightmare Sunday night so I jumped outta bed [and into the damned dresser] to grab her.  We were rocking and calming when I asked her what her dream was about.

“I fighting a bear.”

“Really?!?!”

“Yeh, him try to hurt My Michael.”

This kid fights BEARS in defense of her Uncle Michael.  Now that’s love right there.

****

I would also like to give a huge shout-out of thanks to the NoLa peeps for the fawesome housewarming presents.  Talk about maknig a house a home?

We’s working on it.

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Removing the shackles.

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You don’t recognize something as tainted until that something is tainted no longer.

I’m talking about our air quality.  During Hurricane Ike our apartment building ‘got wet’ as we Gulf Coasters may say.  There was mold and there were maggots.  Even after vent cleanings and numerous complaints, I was reassured over and over and then over again that our air quality was fresh as a daisy.

Over the last two years we had grown more and more ill.  More and more lethargic.  More and more depressed.  Damn near suicidal most days.

With our new house came a new air conditioning unit and all new duct work.

Dear gods, clean air – how I love to take a long, deep breath and the air is crisp, light, refreshing.  We are both sleeping better, breathing better, fucking better, laughing longer, hugging harder and loving deeper.

You ever have those moments when you think to yourself, “remember this as these are going to be the best times of your life”?

Yeh.

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Faint of heart.

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For the past month we have been in motion and alive in our new house but now?  Now we LIVING in our new house.

We LIVED so much that I gave myself a fat lip.  I bit down on my top lip so hard that it was bruised and tender for days.

The bruises on my ribcage from LIVING on the countertops, kitchen table, motorcycle, recliner … well, the list goes on and we are all busy people here.  Let’s just say the bruises are healing nicely.

You don’t know you miss something until you get it back.  Most times anyway.  You know what you miss living in a massive apartment complex in uptown Houston?

The sky.  All transparent in the mornings, more white than blue.  Then purple and wounded in the evening.  The clouds, all fluffy, become wounded, bloody.

You know what else you miss?

Quiet.  People running up and down the stairs or, even better, dragging down luggage and furniture?  Stomping from up above?  Music coming from the right?  Plumbing noises from the left?

No more.  Sweet, sweet, delicious silence.

I hated kids even when I was a kid.  Kids never take anything serious.  Life is serious.  Why are they never worried?  All sticky fingers covered with some mysterious pocket lint and hair.  Don’t they understand how serious this/that/n/the/other is?!?!?

You think I’m an intense pain in the ass now.  Sheeeet, shoulda seen me 20 years ago.

So why are we so excited about the nieces coming to visit?  Memorial Day weekend Mom and Dad H, BB and Molly are visiting.

Now, we’ve never had a little kid stay the night at our house.  Day visit?  Evening visit?  Sure.  Overnight?  Oh heeeelllll nooooo.

Now I catch myself inspecting things that may bring cause for a trip to the emergency room should a little one awake during the night or extra early in the morning.

The silver, shiny letter opener has been put away.  Well, truth be told, I am going to put it away.  Probably five minutes before they walk in the door but, hey, piss of, I’m busy and shit.

I do promise, however, to try REAL hard to send the girls back in the one piece condition they arrive in.

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Girls Gone Wild

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Sister-in-law Patti and I are taking a trip.  A trip that promises magic and wonder but is guaran-danmed-teed to hold many drinkies, many laughs and maybe, just maybe, a little shopping indulgence of the book variety.

Okay, so maybe not Girls Gone Wild.  More like Cougars Gone Wild?

Either way, June 12th caint get here soon enough.  And I promise to be more “work” Hannah than real “Hannah” so that I might get invited back.

MICHAEL YOU WILL STAY HOME AND WORK AND LIKE IT.

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A trip with no left turns.

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Our new neighborhood is very, very, VERY busy.  So busy in fact that we plan all our trips about town as to never make any left turns.  Crossing that traffic is a complete bitch and I’ll have none of it.

Got pulled over this morning for something I did not do and the cop was nice enough to not charge me for something I did not do.  Kudos and good karma to you Mr. Policeman.

I am kinda sick and tired of hearing how devastating the BP oil spill in the gulf is and how we should stop ALL drilling and exploration.  If you got your ass to work on ANYTHING other than a bicycle then you need to shut the fuck up.  I’m sad at the loss of the seafood too, don’t get me wrong, but I also like gas in my car.

It seems the only time we really get any rest lately is at work.  Saturday and Sunday mornings had me rising with the sun to work, work, work.  This morning I groaned at the alarm but knew at least my body could rest awhile during the day.  Instead of slaving away on our AWESOME FUCKING HOUSE!!

And it is awesome.

And I do love it.

I visited Hobby Lobby for the first time this weekend and it was glorious.  I murdered my checkbook by stabbing it three times with candles and glass and paint.  I liked my checkbook, really I did, but not more than Hobby Lobby.  My wet dream has been actualized.  Well, that one … we won’t talk about those other ones.

Not today anyway.

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Before and After (Part I)

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BEFORE:

BEFORE:

AFTER:


The previous owner covered that beautiful window with Christmas frost.  Fucking Christmas frost people!!  I do have one thing to say though after all the scraping it took to get that bitch clean … who wants to arm wrestle?

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