TauntSociety

A co-worker recently started dating a fellow so, of course, me being me, I was all up in her bidness about the scoop.

You know – THE scoop.

THE scoop we women always say we never talk about while blushing appropriately.  Yes, that exact scoop.

Let me explain why it is important to get THE scoop early on in the game.

Reason being there is a proportionate increase/decrease as to the level of bullshit we women will tolerate as a direct result of THE scoop.

If you haven’t been paying attention or know absolutely nothing about woman, I am talking about the penis.

Yes, we woman do talk about the size of your penis.

And remember all those times we said size don’t matter and we still love you anyway?

Yeh, we were lying.

It matters.

Not like we won’t still date you or even marry you but, as stated above, there is a proportionate reduction as to the amount of bullshit we will tolerate and it is directly linked to the use, size, swing and function of the penis.

Dick so hard a cat caint scratch it?  You are allowed to burn down the house.

Driven hard over the back of the couch with the blinds open?  Feel free to shoot the president in the face.

Small snickerdoodle?  Then you making my fucking breakfast and you better consider yourself lucky I let you stay here.

Or maybe you have a fully functioning mouth like this one:

Then maybe you can stay.

Maybe.